2008:

 A BAD REVIEW OF THE YEAR A REVIEW OF A BAD YEAR THE YEAR IN REVIEW:

Well, the month of Janus is upon us and with that, it's time to reflect on the happenings of the year past and speculate on the one to come. Here is the monthly blow-by blow of the year that most of us would like to forget:

January

• I'm quite sure a whole lot of fascinating things happened in the first month of 2008, but I had an Ilizarov frame bolted to my lower left leg at the end of December--so I spent the better part of January in the quiet comfort of a morphine haze. I'm really not qualified to comment on any of the happeniongs of this month.

February

• SPORTS--The New England Patriots,weary from constantly winning football games, take a much needed break and lose one to the NY Giants. Unfortunately, it's the only game of the season that really counts--bad timing, that one...
• POLITICS-- Super Tuesday! arrives at the polls. As usual, most Americans know more about the American Idol contestants than they do about the politicians running in the party primaries. Maybe we should bring back the 'talent' portion of the campaign vetting process.
• ENTERTAINMENT--The Writer's Guild of America reaches a tentative bargaining agreement with the major Hollywood studios, ending the 3 month old writer's strike. During the strike, the viewing public is fed a steady diet of reality programming, re-runs, movies, live sports shows and news. No one realizes the difference.

March

• ECONOMY--The phrases 'sub-prime mortgage'  and 'crisis' are suddenly linked together forever in the popular lexicon as Chase aquires Bear Stearns on St. Paddy's day for $2 a share--proving that there is a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow-- if you just drink enough green beer. What could possibly go wrong?
• WORLD--China crushes an uprising in Bhuddist Tibet (again). It is estimated that over 100 people have been killed during the unrest. In a strange case of instant karma, the godless nation of China is rocked by a 7.2 magnitude earthquake on March 21st.
• PERSONAL-- For the 536th time, I vow to quit smoking, and I mean it this time! Unfortunately, 2 days into the venture I decide it's really not a good time because of my hectic schedule (what with all the new video game releases, and what not...)

April

• WORLD--Pirates hijack a French yacht off the coast of Somalia. France demands to know the terms of surrender...
• ECONOMY-- The US consumer confidence index falls again in April due to the public being bombarded daily by media reports that consumer confidence is falling again

• POLITICS-- Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama are running a tight race in the Democratic primary. Meanwhile, on the Republican side, George Bush takes a commanding lead over George Bush . George Bush drops out of the race due to lack of interest in his candidacy. Both Democrats promise to defeat George Bush wherever and whenever they encounter him during the upcoming election.

• PERSONAL--I vow to stop wasting my time on so much video game playing, and concentrate more on my smoking addiction 

May

• SCIENCE--The genome of the platypus is sequenced. Uhm, wait--why?
• ECONOMY--Congress approves legislation developed by Barney Frank to let the United States government insure up to $300 billion in mortgages to help homeowners avert foreclosure. Can you say bailout, kids? Also on the economic front, the price of crude oil reaches a new record high of US$125.98 a barrel, just in time for the summer travel season. A perfect storm is brewing...
• WORLD--A magnitude 7.9 earthquake hits China's Sichuan province, killing a whole lot of innocent people. The government and people of China mobilize to bury the dead and rescue the missing. The death and destruction is nearly twenty times worse than the category 5 hurricane Katrina that hit the gulf coast of the US several years ago--but no one criticizes the Chinese response, because, well, it's China. It's also the planet earth, and earthquakes happen sometimes.

June

• SPORTS--The Detroit Red Wings defeat the Pittsburgh Penguins 3-2 in the sixth game to win the 2008 Stanley Cup Finals 4-2. Can you remember the unbridled sense of joy you felt when you first heard the news?
• POLITICS--The ONE becomes the presumptive Democratic nominee for the 2008 presidential election as Hillary Clinton is mathematically eliminated from the race. The nation breathes a sigh of relief realizing that someone other than a Bush or Clinton will occupy the White House for the next four years. Can you remember the unbridled sense of joy you felt when you first heard the news?
• TECH-- Apple, Inc. introduces a new iPhone with 3G capabilities, a GPS, and new features. The device is called  iPhone 3G  .Can you remember the unbridled sense of...oh, never mind already

July

• ECONOMY--In response to deepening economic woes, Starbucks announces that it will close 600 underperforming coffee shops in the US. Panic spreads across the ever growing sector of the populace that routinely spends ten bucks on a cup of coffee because it has a 'hip' name--talk of a government bailout of Starbucks gains traction...
• TECH--31 years after its launch, the Voyager 2 spacecraft sends a detailed view of the heliosphere. In a puzzling development, the spacecraft also announces that it will no longer respond to requests addressed to Voyager 2, and wishes to officially change its name to 'Vger' .
• ECONOMY--The US Federal Reserve tightens mortgage regulation in an attempt to stamp out the practices that led to the subprime mortgage crisis.Uhm, it's a little too late, fellas.
• WORLD--In response to growing global scrutiny over it's human-rights record, China orders Chinese restaurants in Beijing not to serve dog meat during 2008 Summer Olympics.The measure is quickly criticized as 'half-assed', when the world discovers that Beijing eateries can continue to serve Donkey meat .
• PERSONAL--After spending the last several months doing little else besides playing video games and smoking cigarettes, I vow to pay some more attention to my blog. You know, maybe even post something...

August

• WORLD--Russian tanks roll into the separatist republic of Georgia as tensions mount in the region. Perhaps the most disturbing part of this news, as far as the US is concerned, is the amount of general unrest and genuine nervousness the residents of Alabama experience upon hearing the news.
• ECONOMY--The downturn of the economy prompts investors to preserve their assets by abandoning stocks and turning to precious metals. Leading the way is US swimmer Michael Phelps, who seems to favor gold during these dour times. Lots of gold... 
• POLITICS-- The ONE  accepts the nomination of the Democratic Party, becoming the first Half-rican American to be nominated by a major party for election as President of the United States.
• PERSONAL-- Realizing for the first time that one can trade in old video games for new ones while simultaneously discovering that cartons of cigarettes can be purchased tax-free over the internet from various Indian tribes, I forego blogging for the month in favor of  playing video games and smoking cigarettes...

 

Comments

[WestPauline31]

Different people in the world take the mortgage loans in various creditors, just because that is easy.