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Retired NYPD Lieutenant; Dedicated husband and loving father--jeez, this is starting to sound like an obituary, no?


100 Things you should know about me…but couldn’t be bothered asking. (In no particular order)

1. I prefer dogs over cats.
2. I sleep in the buff, winter or summer. Falls into the category of ‘too much information’, I know, I know.
3. I could eat ring-dings and yodels for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Then follow it up with a nice Hostess cupcake and a glass of chocolate milk for dessert.
4. I grew up on the mean streets of the Bronx, New York.
5. When I was growing up, they didn’t seem so mean.
6. I now live in a quiet suburb of NYC, because I don’t want my children to have to grow up on the mean streets of the Bronx, New York.
7. I think it’s a real shame my kids will never be streetwise, like me.
8. The best four years of my life were when I was in high school…until I got to college.
9. The best four years of my life were when I was in college… until I graduated and moved into my own apartment.
10. The best time in my life was my bachelorhood…until I got married.
11. The best part of marriage was the early years, BC (before children)
12. Children change EVERYTHING!
13. The best part of my life is right here, right now…
14. I think the above can always be true if you work at it and appreciate the life you have.
15. I am descended from a great line of Irish Kings…this whole poverty thing is all wrong. I need to check my genealogy and see where we went off track.
16. I’m not one of those ‘car guys’. A car gets you from point A to point B, I don’t see what all the excitement’s about.
17. I like sports. Playing sports. Watching sports on television. Mostly watching my two sons play sports.
18. In reference to the above, I am not, however, a ‘fan’. I do root for my favorite teams, but I do NOT live and die with them. Fan is short for ‘fanatic’, and I just can’t get that worked up over these overpaid athletes.
19. I am very much in love with my wife Laureen.
20. Guys at work used to bad mouth their wives, you never knew if they were kidding or if it was just some macho thing to do. I never did that.
21. Laureen is my lover, my best friend, my confidant, my soul-mate. She has been for as long as I can remember.
22. My father’s advice on my wedding night was ‘…peel the potatoes every once in a while, don’t always leave it for her’. I think that’s reasonable advice.
23. The only reason I have caller ID and an answering machine is so I can screen my calls. Sorry.
24. I know that all the great master chefs in the world are male, but I DON’T cook. Period.
25. I do, however, clean. And yes, I do windows.
26. I don’t however, do Macintosh.
27. Growing up, I loved the snow: a day off from school, sledding, snowball fights, hot cocoa… Now I hate the f**king stuff.
28. In reference to the above, I think I’ll move to Phoenix. I know it’s hot but they say it’s a dry heat.
29. I firmly believe that when you’re young, if you’re not a liberal you have no heart. When you grow older and wiser, if you’re not a conservative you have no brain.
30. I decided to become a cop because I wanted to help people. …Really!
31. Cops are some of the funniest, bravest, smartest, most stupid people on the planet earth. We are a unique breed.
32. That Rolling Stones song that says ‘…every cop is a criminal, and all the sinners’ saints’ is simply not true.
33. No one I ever arrested was guilty (at least, that’s what they said)
34. Everyone I ever arrested was later proven guilty by a jury of their peers or plea-bargained to a lesser offense.
35. Being a police officer is like having front row seats to the greatest show on earth: the human condition.
36. I have never laughed so hard, or cried so deeply, or been more afraid, than when I was a police officer.
37. I was never afraid in the heat of the moment as a cop, even having a gun pointed at me or being shot at. But afterwards, I shook uncontrollably and was scared to death. Any cop that tells you otherwise is a liar. Or a psychopath.
38. My career with the NYPD ended prematurely because of a car accident I had off duty.
39. I really, really miss being a police officer.
40. Haagen-Dazs strawberry ice cream is the nectar of the gods.
41. Even though I can’t drink alcohol anymore because of my accident, it is my firm belief that you can’t really trust a man who doesn’t drink.
42. O.J. Simpson murdered his wife. ‘Nuff said
43. Every whacko fringe group that shouts loud enough in this country about their ‘rights’ being trampled upon don’t really give a damn about my rights. Sorry if it offends you that I had the audacity to live an apparently normal lifestyle.
44. Democracy and capitalism work. Socialism and the redistribution of wealth do not. Get over it.
45. It’s amazing to me the people we idolize in this country: the actors and actresses, the professional athletes; people who have never really worked a day in their lives.
46. In reference to the above, it was refreshing to see the REAL hero worship that went on right after 9/11 for the cops and fireman.
47. I picked quite a good time to be handicapped: if my accident happened 10 years ago, I’d be dead, I wouldn’t be able to shop or work online like I can now, buildings wouldn’t have nearly the access that they do now…Timing is everything, don’tcha think?
48. Never tile an entrance hallway with white tiles. Trust me on this one.
49. Human beings are the only mammals that still drink milk after they’re weaned. And we drink another species milk, no less! Seems a bit unnatural, but I could still polish off a half a gallon of the stuff every day.
50. My wife and my children are my life. I personally believe that’s as it should be.
51. There’s no other pink, bouncy ball to play stickball with other than a Spalding. Sorry Tom.
52. While we’re on the subject, no mom worth her salt would feed her children any spaghetti other than Ronzoni #8. So there.
53. I really think the elitist liberal mindset of the far left is so out of touch with mainstream America that it is becoming dangerous. Maniacally dangerous.
54. Much to my chagrin, my father was indeed right on just about everything.
55. I have been unashamedly masturbating since I first learned how (get over it-so have you)
56. Everything I know about personal computers has been self taught. Sometimes very painfully.
57. I have extremely large feet, which makes it extremely difficult to find shoes.
58. Since my accident, I’ve had to wear a brace on my left leg; now I need a two different size shoes for each foot. I’ve given up trying to find shoes at the mall. Thank God for the Internet.
59. I have never outgrown heavy metal music…it still gives me a rush.
60. I also like blues, rock and roll, some jazz, some classical, some rap and whatever else if the mood strikes me. In general, I couldn’t live without a soundtrack.
61. I miss drinking alcohol, but not nearly as much as I thought.
62. I do NOT miss hangovers!
63. I do not believe in taxes and death, but at least faith in my religion gives me some hope with the latter.
64. I am happy to say, I am firmly in control of the TV remote in my house.
65. Sadly, I am in control of nothing else.
66. When it comes to the TV remote I am strictly a hunter, not a gatherer: I click incessantly, watching nothing and everything.
67. I am extremely skeptical about anything that is being hawked as ‘new and improved’. Why couldn’t they get it right the first time?
68. I don’t like car salesman. They’re inherently evil people.
69. I believe strongly that the United States is the greatest idea mankind has ever had.
70. Anyone who lives here and disagrees with the above and feels the need to constantly bellyache about it should pack up their sh*t and get the f*ck out; there are hordes of people around the world lining up to take your spot.
71. There are some movies that, whenever they come on TV, you have to watch. The Godfather comes to mind, It’s a Wonderful Life. The French Connection. You know the type that I mean?
72. I’m a Republican, and I vote. Even in the itsy, bitsy elections.
73. I consider myself a staunch conservative, and a good Christian. But I don’t understand the whole gay thing. I don’t have a problem with gay people. I could no more change a gay person into a heterosexual than they could change me into a gay person. The gay community needs to embrace an agenda other than ‘victimism’, however, and just get on with their lives.
74. ‘Tis better to rule in hell, than serve in heaven’…no it’s not.
75. If you order a pizza with half anchovies, the entire pie is now contaminated. Don’t expect me to eat a slice. Fish has no business being on pizza.
76. I realize that the government wastes our hard earned money on alot of things but the thing they waste it on that irks me the most is the National Endowment for the Arts. Pure crap.
77. I really enjoy a good day of fishing.
78. You really have to be proficient at untying knots to teach your children how to fish, however.
79. My wife loves to eat fish, but finds the whole process of catching them barbaric, disgusting, and mindless.
80. A good, hot shower is the only way I can adequately prepare for the day. Without it I'm sunk.
81. I am not one of those 'fix it' guys.
82. I do, however, enjoy spending time in Home Depot and Sears admiring all the tools I can't use.
83. I am a fairly decent housepainter, though.
84. In reference to the above, I would much rather pay a professional to come in because I can't stand painting.
85. I enjoy playing videogames; ever since pong came out.
86. I especially enjoy playing online videogames, where I can test my mettle against actual human opponents.
87. My two young sons (9 and 7) have now surpassed my skills at videogames (although I'll never admit it to them). Curse their young reflexes!
88. I'm an avid reader, I don't believe you can be a good writer without loving books.
89. I'm not really a fan of television, although I do watch it occasionally. Mostly sports and documentaries and movies. I can't stand most of the popular sitcoms.
90. I am, however, a bit of a news junkie.
91. I'm one of those guys who thinks that flatulence is hysterical.
92. I prefer dogs over cats. They're much more loyal and smart. (I think I opened with this, but it's worth mentioning again)
93. I appreciate a good tropical aquarium, there's nothing more relaxing than watching fish swim.
94. Taking it to the next level, I really enjoy scuba diving. Exploring the inner space of this planet is as close to pure joy as I've ever experienced.
95. I truly believe in a solid work ethic. Nothing in life is free.
96. I don't believe in kicking people when they're down.
97. On the same note, I think you should always visit a friend in the hospital. Having been in the hospital on more than one occasion, I can honestly say there's nothing nicer than a friendly face every once in a while.
98. I really, truly enjoy shopping. Maybe that's why my wife likes me so much?
99. I never thought I'd get so far in this list, but now that I'm here, I could go on forever.
100. I really enjoy blogging. It's a great emotional release and a great way to keep up with one's writing skills. I also thoroughly enjoy the whole blogging community and reading everyone else's blogs. Keep up the good work, people!